Following 'Harichandra' rules...
While preaching / advising the kids, we approach an issue in a particular way. But when it falls on us, the approach seems to differ (at times, diagonally opposite too). We do it most of the times, whatever be the reasons like 'to be practical' or 'to educate them' etc.,
Last week, my son was called for by his school Principal to her room, along with 2 other kids. Once he returned from school, he started sobbing and told that he was called for and got advices. The reasoning provided by him was that he was amidst two fighting kids and incidentally got caught.Further queries revealed that he also beat one of those kids. Later he revealed somemore.. So, all of them together had done something and was sent to her room. The initial intention was to prove that he didn't do anything... a Kid's attitude!!!!
Advising session started.. that he should not hide things like this, blah blah.
But honestly speaking, we do hide or misrepresent certain facts in our day-to-day life due to circumstances.... Some may be obvious, some may not be.. all depends on the individual's perceptions, as to whether it is right or wrong. Few of those instances, where either I was in the receiving end or at the delivering end......
1) Hiding some actual facts from relatives or friends, assuming that they won't like it or will be hurt.
2) Hiding an achievement(!!) or acquisition of an object/asset, from those who may look into those with different eyes.. I mean jealousy ones.
3) When one of your colleague, asks you to give good opinion about him to a Job agent - by acting as his 'Project manager' or 'Project lead' eventhough your relationship with him is not as such.
The following are strange things, which you might or might not have encountered....
4) Not revealing the place of the next career move or misrepresent it. [Read this related post of mine.. You may get to know more]
5) Hiding a proposed holiday plan, to those who are not close to you.. even when they ask so many questions. [similar to (2) above]
6) Misrepresenting or hiding facts for business reasons... justifying them as business rules.
So, in today's practical scenario we don't follow 'Harichandra' rules. The situational demand (of hiding or misrepresentation) has become the norm of the day. In that case, how forcefully can we advise the next generation? I could realise that it would be upto some extent only. Till, they realise the trick of manipulation and cannot withstand our advices(!!).
Do you have some other similar scenario, where you were in the middle?
199th post
Last week, my son was called for by his school Principal to her room, along with 2 other kids. Once he returned from school, he started sobbing and told that he was called for and got advices. The reasoning provided by him was that he was amidst two fighting kids and incidentally got caught.Further queries revealed that he also beat one of those kids. Later he revealed somemore.. So, all of them together had done something and was sent to her room. The initial intention was to prove that he didn't do anything... a Kid's attitude!!!!
Advising session started.. that he should not hide things like this, blah blah.
But honestly speaking, we do hide or misrepresent certain facts in our day-to-day life due to circumstances.... Some may be obvious, some may not be.. all depends on the individual's perceptions, as to whether it is right or wrong. Few of those instances, where either I was in the receiving end or at the delivering end......
1) Hiding some actual facts from relatives or friends, assuming that they won't like it or will be hurt.
2) Hiding an achievement(!!) or acquisition of an object/asset, from those who may look into those with different eyes.. I mean jealousy ones.
3) When one of your colleague, asks you to give good opinion about him to a Job agent - by acting as his 'Project manager' or 'Project lead' eventhough your relationship with him is not as such.
The following are strange things, which you might or might not have encountered....
4) Not revealing the place of the next career move or misrepresent it. [Read this related post of mine.. You may get to know more]
5) Hiding a proposed holiday plan, to those who are not close to you.. even when they ask so many questions. [similar to (2) above]
6) Misrepresenting or hiding facts for business reasons... justifying them as business rules.
So, in today's practical scenario we don't follow 'Harichandra' rules. The situational demand (of hiding or misrepresentation) has become the norm of the day. In that case, how forcefully can we advise the next generation? I could realise that it would be upto some extent only. Till, they realise the trick of manipulation and cannot withstand our advices(!!).
Do you have some other similar scenario, where you were in the middle?
199th post
posted by Ram C at 3:07 PM
13 Comments:
Thats true Ram. Sometimes it is wise to either shut up or tell a small lie to avoid further damage.
Aana, andha maadhiri solradhukkum training venum!!.
sometimes we have to tell small lies to avoid bigger problems that might creep up later.
but one needs to be careful in maintainning the same lie throughout. Else it might lead to greater embarrassment
so true! I hope your son doesnt read the blog :P
Deepak.. I agree. Fiddling with an actual fact and portraying in a believable form needs a lot of talent.
Balji.. agree. Oru poi sollap poi nooru poi sollra mathiri ayidum. We should know where to cut it off..
Gayathri.. eventhough my son knows about this blog (used to laugh at my profile pic) he is not upto reading them. It may take some more years for him... (if my blogging habit continues till then.. hope it does!!). however, kids of these days are smart. No need to guide them at all.. which I have observed and understood.
sometimes, it becomes unavoidable to tell lies. "If it doesnt harm anyone, its OK" is my moral. My wife thinks that is a big negative point and I am trying to change myself. Hard.
'poimayum vaaimai idathu' nu valluvar solli irukkar..
Irundhalum, Truth is always the best!! No fear, if truth is spoken always!!
Ram,
"Vaimai yenappaduvathu yaadhenin yaathondrum,
theemai illaatha solal"
Namma thiruvalluvar solliyirukuraar !
So, if the situation demands and we are forced to misrepresent information for fear of hurting someone, it may not be categorised as a lie :o)
awesome post ram....agree with you on this "The situational demand (of hiding or misrepresentation) has become the norm of the day" ....
If the truth you speak hurts someone, dont speak....and there is nothing wrong in lying if its going to make a person happy...
We have to strike a balance between these two statements in our lives...
Completely agree with you Ram, it is no more the generation which views everything as Black or White. Everything is grey, we will have to look every issue in a relative fashion and make a call - only thing we have to keep in mind is it doesnot cause any harm to anybody
IMHO, I try to be as open / true as possible. I don't like people who hide things thinking about "Jealously". Your point on Vacations etc...I can never do that...The whole world will know. Same with Job changes ( Actually I was bitten by it...but I would still do it...!)
Nice post Ram. Made to think a little bit.
Raju.. Considering as a negative point, is a big issue.. Has it gone to that level??? :-) :-) Better luck for changing yourself...
TJ.. agree. It would be better maintain the truth always.. except in case of situational demands, which differs from person to person.
VJ.. at times, silence and a smile will reply to most of the curious questions.. they may even realise that you don't want to answer further. good way to express your thoughts :-) :-)
Somu, namma thiruvalluvar ellathaiyum munname yosichitaaru.. great guy... very practical.
ME.. :-) thanks
Rags.. agree with you. Striking a balance has become the routine nowadays, to most of us.
Aatma.. without offending others, if we hide or divert to someother issues slowly, it should be ok. i agree.
Mr.Narayanan.. U may be right from one angle. From a practical angle, I had experienced the holiday part and had decided to whom should we tell and to whom we shouldn't. (particulalry in the intial days of plan). The problem is with those people who spread the news faster than thru emails, with some more assumptions.. athellam oru periya thodar kathaiyaa ezuthalam... with many episodes.
sometimes hiding the truth isnt a big crime, but there is a small difference bwn hiding the truth and poi sollarathu.
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